When I was a kid I used to have very high fevers. When this happened I would hallucinate mandriles, they would do anything, they would just lie next to me and I would hear them breathing before my face. I forgot about them.
Some months ago I was in Canada, I had a terrible high fever, outside, there was a snow storm, it was all covered on snow, incredibly white and beautiful. I was half asleep and half hallucinating because of the fever. In my dream there was just a snowed landscape.. it was all white, the mandriles from my hallucination got in my dream. Or was it the other way? the mandriles of my hallucinations came out and ran lost in the snow?
The real and the unreal came together. A dream that was supposed to be beautiful sudenly became terrifying reality.
If only I could lie on my bed and have silent dreams.
If I could rest on a bed of cold snow and silence my thoughts, freeze them even.
how do you freeze a dream? a feeling? how do you encapsulate love? preserve it from dying?
how do I save us from dying?
hay un mandril que duerme conmigo... todos los dias... a veces, a mitad de la noche, me despierta su respiracion, me quedo quieta y lo miro robandome el aliento, enterrandome las uñas... respira pesado y me enseña los dientes, al oido me gruñe que no va a dejarme ir. Se desvanece y depierto con araños. A veces, cuando me da miedo dormirme, me da mordiditas filosas, desde adentro, que me dan comezon en la espalda y al oido me gruñe que no va a dejarme ir...